One single mom’s attempt at Dry January…
Day Two…
Oh, hi again! I’m back for another rendition of “What’s mom not drinking today?” Just kidding.
I’m back for Day Two of my attempt at Dry January, but first I’d like to recap Day One. I gotta say I was pretty psyched about the idea of doing Dry January yesterday when I woke up slightly hungover from the NYE get-together at my friend’s house the night before, but I didn’t think through the whole process of writing about it and sharing it daily. So I think I’ll have to work on that part as I go, we’ll see what happens.
Overall, Day One seemed pretty easy. Like I said, woke up with a little hangover so I didn’t feel like drinking. That always helps me not drink. I went about my first day of 2022 enjoying our first real snow of the season, reading, cooking, catching up with friends, then around dinner time, I thought about having a glass of wine. It was easy to reject the thought since I was still high on my Dry January horse, and I happily made a cup of tea instead. All in all, a pretty easy day without alcohol. Go me! I will say I had a little trouble sleeping which bummed me out because I’ve read that giving up alcohol helps you sleep better which I’d LOVE to experience, but so far not so much. Remains to be seen I guess.
Day Two was a slightly different experience. I woke up feeling good, ready to start the day! Of course, it’s Sunday so it was a lazy day anyway, but waking up without a headache or any hangover symptoms was a nice change from my typical groggy morning self. I did my morning meditation, made a cup of coffee, and was excited for another day of no drinking!
As the day went on, I noticed myself feeling more and more anxious, but not about anything in particular, just general anxiety. My mind would race, lots of negative thoughts, I felt like I was constantly telling my inner critic to shut her trap so I could enjoy my day, but she kept yammering on about the most ridiculous things. So I stopped what I was doing and meditated. My mind was still racing for a bit, but eventually, the calm settled in and I spent a good 15 minutes just feeling that amazing inner peace that comes and goes between occasional thoughts. Oh, how I love that feeling! Why can’t every moment feel like that?!?
Later on, while out walking the dog I was thinking about the anxious feelings that had unfortunately returned. Is this what makes me want to have a drink? To avoid this annoying, ever so slightly itchy blanket of anxiety that seems to creep in from time to time? I mean, it kind of made sense. I’ve been a daily drinker for as long as I can remember. Not that I drink excessively every day, but I have a drink every day. Every. Single. Day. There are times, especially lately, when I don’t even really enjoy it. I just do it because it’s there. It’s definitely become a habit. Is it an addiction? I was addicted to cigarettes in my 20’s and I hated them! I thought they were gross, they made me feel awful and made me stink. I remember hating myself for smoking! I couldn’t quit until I got pregnant with my oldest child, then I quit cold turkey. Even though I didn’t enjoy them one bit, I could not just quit for myself. That always baffled me. Now here I am, I don’t hate alcohol, but I don’t always enjoy it and if I’m doing something every single day I should really enjoy it, right? Hmm.
Ok, so Day Two has not been terrible by any means, but I am curious about this anxious feeling. Was it completely unrelated to my drinking? Just an off day? Am I overthinking it (enter laughter from my inner critic) or is it part of the reason why I’ve been a daily drinker for so long? Also, I wanted to note that in addition to using meditation and walking the dog to avoid having a drink today, I also decided to make a drink. Yep! I found this non-alcoholic elixir online and thank the gods it was delivered today! I looked up a recipe, and yum! I’m having a drink right now! Maybe it’s just the act of having a drink I’m so attached to. I can hope!
