One single mom’s attempt at Dry January…
Day Four…
Hello. Again. Is anyone else getting tired of reading about how grumpy I am while I try to give up alcohol? I am!
Here are my favorite things so far about giving up alcohol.
- I bought myself a fancy new keyboard because my old one quit on me.
Yep, that’s it so far. That’s exciting, right? Somehow it is for me and I guess that’s all that really matters.
Anyway, today was ok. A busy workday. Another headachy, slightly anxious day. I mean, generally, it sucked and I was feeling moody. Until I got home, then it got better. I would have expected the opposite after a rather lame, somewhat crappy day; I would have expected to be craving a drink of the alcoholic variety. It don’t matter that it’s only Tuesday! Every day for me has been a good day for a drink so why didn’t I want one? I don’t know, but I kinda liked it.
I got home, fed the dog, played with the dog, got comfy, and did my 20-minute meditation. I then kindly asked Alexa to play Spotify and what came on?? Jimmy Cliff’s “I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone”!! Yes, Jimmy, yes! I felt it, y’all! I COULD see clearly!! That meditation cleared my mind. It completely emptied it of all thought and there I was; my whole unfiltered self. Just being still. Just. Being. Me. Not filtering through the day’s events or the chores ahead. Not contemplating the varying opinions of me that I think other people may have (shut up, critic!). Just good ol’ unfiltered me.
I started meditating several years ago, very infrequently and very impractically. It didn’t do much for me then. I didn’t feel any different. I had heard it was good for me so I tried to do it, but I didn’t get it. During the Covid times, I started using an app to meditate. It was ok, better than what I’d tried before, but I still was not too psyched about it. Then I just happened to read a couple of books that mentioned Transcendental Meditation and I started seeing the words Transcendental Meditation everywhere. In articles online, in conversations, in more books. So I did some research and I reached out to my local TM teacher. Can I just say, this guy was AWESOME! My initial phone call with him was exhilarating! He was excited, I was excited, the world felt exciting again! I spoke to him again a week later and set up a time to meet at his house to learn TM. It’s a 4-day process, but in Covid times you get the condensed online version. Still 4 days, but only the first day is in person and the other three are on Zoom. I won’t bore you here with the details of my 4-day adventure of learning to transcend my thoughts with meditation, but if you want to know more, please ask me!
Almost immediately after learning TM, I noticed a shift in my awareness. I remember telling my TM teacher a month or so after I started practicing that some things that used to make me feel anxious didn’t seem like a burden anymore. I felt more confident, more myself, like I was getting to know myself in a new way. I remember running before TM, my inner critic would tell me how ridiculous it was that I thought I could be a runner. She would tell me that my body was too weak and couldn’t do it. That I needed to stop. Like now, please stop now! But after TM, I could run without the anxious, annoying voice telling me to stop. And I just ran. And for the first time, I actually enjoyed it. Holy crap! This was fucking magical!
I have consistently practiced TM twice a day for 20 minutes ever since. It was quite possibly one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever given myself. It has led me to new places in life, to new people, to new ways of seeing and being in the world. I have even read that TM can make you want to stop drinking. Well, it’s been a year now and I oftentimes pour myself a glass of wine after my evening meditation. Ok, often as in every day. Sadly, it didn’t seem to make me want to stop and that bummed me out. But maybe if I take the initiative to stop drinking, meditation will help. I definitely felt good tonight which I needed after the last few days. Now maybe sleep will come. Please sleep, find me!
