Your intuition knows the way. Get quiet and listen.
I learned the hard way. I was so stuck in my head that I seemed to have magically stuffed my gut in a dark closet for the first forty years of my life. I’m not entirely sure why or how, I suppose more time with a therapist might unpack that for me, but what I’d rather do now is acknowledge my mistake, pay attention to my gut (my intuition) and stay out of my head as much as possible.
You see, I spent most of my adult life pursuing society’s idea of what was best for me. I genuinely believed that having a good job and making sure everyone around me was pleased with my performance was more important than my own happiness and wellbeing. I thought by trying to force a certain outcome, even though that outcome was not what I wanted deep down, that I would somehow become successful. I thought that what I wanted deep down was not right, not meant for me and certainly way too dangerous to be properly considered. So I stuffed it. I never dared shine a light on those things that excited me: my passions, my dreams. Instead, I continued down the path well traveled while others were lighting the way for me. I followed their light. I packed mine away for safekeeping.
Looking back, I see how many things in my life I tried to force into existence by believing in my head that it was the right thing to do. My marriage, my career, my “happiness”. I tried my damnedest to make every single one of them successful, or at least appear to be from an outsider’s perspective, because I thought that was how it worked. And believe me when I say, I thought that was what everyone else was doing as well! I mean, we work hard because life isn’t going to be easy, right? Turns out, this antiquated baby boomer mindset was only giving me a headache.
I literally stuffed my intuition in a dark hole because I simply didn’t know how to listen to her. I thought my mind was in charge and boy was I wrong. My mind ran me in circles over and over and over. Once I finally stopped and looked closer at my life, I recognized the continuously recurring patterns. Nothing was changing. Growth was nonexistent. I was literally going around in circles. For years. Virtually every aspect of my life was unhappy and I continued to make the same choices knowing I wouldn’t get a different outcome. The definition of insanity, right? Well, I was starting to feel it.
But how pray tell at 40 years old was I going to get “back on track”?? Was it even possible?? It certainly seemed impossible at the time, but I knew something had to give in order to break the cycle of repeat patterns in my life. The common denominator was me. I was the root cause of all of these choices that were not leading me forward into growth and opportunity, but leading me back to the start again and again.
What happened next was nothing short of transformational! And the best part is that I now recognize when these transformations are coming and I get out of the way so they can show me what’s up. But this first time was incredibly hard. Divorce was inevitable and had been discussed several times before. Neither one of us wanted to pull the trigger and break up our family, but I knew that I wanted more for myself and I wanted my husband to have a chance at true love, too, so I attempted to force an amicable divorce. Let me tell you, nobody can force an amicable anything, especially divorce. However, speaking up for myself and asking for what I needed ultimately gave me a chance to see myself through a different lens. Not just the lens of being someone’s wife or someone’s mother, but a new lens that I had never seen before. I had a vision of a whole new me, emphasis on “whole”. This idea of being whole was something I had never truly considered for myself.
One day my therapist asked me point blank, “What does your gut say about it?” and that right there was the Aha! moment for me. I didn’t have to run around in my head getting absolutely nowhere and beating myself up for it, I could check with my gut, my intuition, and get a different perspective. And wouldn’t you know it, she knew the way! Listening to her felt risky and dangerous and like a breath of fresh air all at once.
Over the next few months, I finalized my divorce, bought my house, and started tuning into my gut on a regular basis. This ability to trust myself and trust my decisions was lifechanging. I was able to get out of my head and move forward with confidence and clarity.
Soon after this transformation happened I began practicing meditation twice a day. This practice only increased my ability to tap into my intuition. The deep sense of self-love and awareness I found through meditation helped me through some challenging times in the next few years. A major health scare which would have stopped me in my tracks a few years earlier, instead became a stepping stone, another transformation, ultimately giving me the courage to leave my stable job and start my own consulting business. As a single mom this was a scary prospect, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I felt it in my gut. This was just the reassurance that I needed. This was proof that my intuition was spot on! I was definitely on the right track and it felt amazing!
It’s been a few years since that light bulb moment in my therapist’s office. I’m forever grateful that he shined his light in the dark hole where I had been hiding my intuition. I learned that the darkness is no longer scary when you shine a light on it. It’s really only scary when you don’t. We perceive the unknown as dangerous; when in fact, the unknown is the answer that we seek.
A few things I’ve learned since letting my intuition steer the ship…
- My intuition is quiet and still. My mind is loud and controlling. In order to listen to my intuition, I have to get out of my head and get really quiet. This is why prayer and meditation are a central spiritual practice for so many people around the world.
- My intuition was always there, it’s just that I wasn’t taught how to listen. Some of us were taught that it could be too risky and to stay in the comforts of our own thoughts, but life doesn’t truly begin until you get beyond your thoughts and start connecting with your deeper self, your intuition. Get quiet and listen.
- And get this, that quiet voice that some people were taught is too risky is actually directly connected to God, the universe, source energy, whatever you want to call it. That’s why it offers such great guidance! Think about it, prayer is a quiet connection to God, meditation is a quiet connection to our deeper self, the universe. The ways we connect with God and the universe are the same ways we connect with our intuition because they are connected to each other. Boom!
- My intuition has some crazy ideas and when I found the courage to go for it, it was like I had jumped into the flow of life! Doors were opening for me that I never expected would. I couldn’t help but wonder, why did I wait so long?? Fear, that’s why. It’s true when they say everything we want is on the other side of fear. No matter how scary it may seem in my head, I succeed when I trust my gut. Don’t just back down because something seems scary. Trust your gut because that fear of the unknown is really your intuition saying, “Go for it!”. And since the universe is guiding your intuition and the universe always has your back, by all means GO FOR IT!
